We Might as Well Be a Symphony
by ScienceLove2713
Summary: Root has finally tracked down Shaw with the help of the Machine after Shaw's time captive with Samaritan. We know what happened when they first are reunited and we know what happened when they met up with the rest of the team. But, what about the in between? I plan to continue about Shaw's first week back, leading up to Finch's cover being blow. Then again post Root's "death".
1. Together Again

Shaw lowers her gun from her temple and stores it safely in the waist or her pants. Root lowers her gun as well, but keeps it held casually at her side.

"Come on sweetie, let's get us somewhere safe," Root says wrapping her arm around Shaw's shoulders.

Shaw rolls her eyes and murmurs, "We'll never be safe," but follows anyway.

The pair sneak through the shadows, dodging cameras and anything that could give Samaritan a hint to their location. Eventually, they come to a back door to a tall brick building. Root starts to pick the lock.

"Where are we?" Shaw asks looking around. They're in a tiny back alley in a mostly abandoned neighborhood on the outskirts of the city.

"It's an old apartment building that was shut down years ago due to code violations. For some reason, no one has ever done anything with it. Lucky for us, that means it never got upgraded to contain a modern security system. Just good old fashion locks. It's one of the safe zones on our shadow map."

The lock clicks and the door swings open with a creak.

"After you," Root offers.

Shaw steps past Root cautiously, taking notice of the proximity of Root's body to her own. Memories of the simulations swim in her mind; she itches to be closer but is guarded in her actions. It isn't safe, Root isn't safe if she's with her. Shaw's thoughts are interrupted by a gentle hand on the small of her back.

"This way," Root's voice guides.

Up three flights of stairs and two doors down the hallway on the left, Root opens a door to reveal a simple studio apartment. There's a bed against one wall covered in pillows and blankets, a table on the opposite wall, and a shabby couch sort of haphazardly in the middle in front of an old television.

"Root, is this your apartment?"

"Please Sameen, I'd have a little more taste than this. It was set up as a safe house by Elias, I figured he won't be needing it right now," Root says, pausing before continuing. "You should get some rest; the boys are a little predisposed right now so we have some time."

Shaw sits down on the edge of the bed looking down at her gun in her hands. "You shouldn't stay with me. I told you already, I don't know if I'm in control anymore. You don't know if you can trust me…hell, I don't know if I can trust me."

Root walks over to Shaw and gently brushes a stray hair away from Shaw's temple. Shaw looks up, slowly, making eye contact. She can see just how serious Root is being in this moment.

"I know you won't hurt me Sam. And I won't let you hurt yourself. You and I, we're safe together. I'm not leaving you."

Shaw's eyes flicker back down to her gun resting in her lap. Root follows her gaze and takes the gun, placing it on the bedside table.

"Lie down, you really need some rest," Root urges, her concern written across her face.

"You do too…"

"Don't worry, I'll take the couch."

As soon as Root walks away, Shaw wishes she'd come back. Root's direct presence was undeniably comforting, despite Shaw's concern for their safety. But, Shaw's still guarded. So, she does as she was told and lies down under the soft covers of the bed.

The moment Shaw feels herself drifting off, it feels as if she is yanked back awake into a harsh white room. She looks around as her eyes focus to realize, horrified, she's back in Samaritan's prison like hospital. But, something's different this time. There's a second bed in the room. Shaw creeps over to see who her roommate is, but she doesn't have to get very close to recognize that wavy brunette hair.

"No…no…" Shaw murmurs, backing away.

"What's the matter Sameen, you didn't think we'd let your little girlfriend escape our grasps, did you?"

"Greer…what have you done to her? What have you done to Root?" Shaw says through clenched teeth, approaching Greer ready to attack.

"We've simply hacked her implant is all, we know it's her connection to the Machine. With it, we can find the rest of your silly team and gain control of the Machine once and for all."

"I swear to god, if you hurt her, I'll kill you."

"My dear girl, we don't want to hurt her. We want her to join us. She really would be a remarkable agent. And if she joins us, you'd be much quicker to follow."

"She will never join you and neither will I."

"Very well then," Greer says calmly, pulling out a gun. He aims it at Root without a seconds thought and shoots her through the head.

"No!" Shaw shouts, advancing on Greer ready to kill him with her bare hands when Root's body sits up and starts talking. The voice sounds muffled though, like it's coming from a distance.

"Shaw? Shaw, wake up. Come on Sameen, sweetie, you're dreaming…"

Shaw gasps as she wakes up. Her brow is wet with sweat and her heart is pounding, not from fear but from the anger towards the dream state Greer. Root is at her side, gripping her arms lightly and guiding her to a sitting position. Her hands are cool against Shaw's flushed skin.

"Are you ok?" Root asks.

"I…I don't know."

"You were dreaming. You cried out in your sleep…you said my name."

"He was gonna kill you. That son of a bitch Greer found you because of me, he was gonna kill you…he did kill you. He shot you, in the head. But then, you were talking. I heard you…you told me to wake up. But was it a dream…or am I in a simulation…does he really have you…I have to wake up, have to…"

Shaw's words trail off as she fumbles to push Root away and stand up. Root grasps her hands to keep her seated and tries to reassure her that everything is alright.

"Sameen, I'm right here. I'm ok, nothing is going to happen to me."

Shaw's eyes seem to focus on Root, fully coming back from the dream and accepting her current state as her reality for the time being.

"You're shaking, Sam." Worry is dripping from Root's voice with every word.

"I'm just cold."

"Oh…this building doesn't have any heat, I'm sorry about that. Here, you should get back under the covers…"

Shaw flashes back to a moment in most of her simulations, herself muttering that she's cold and Root immediately wrapping her leather jacket around her shoulders. If this Root isn't reacting the same way as simulation Root, this must be real…right? She has to calm down and collect her thoughts.

"Actually, I think I might take a shower."

The hot water rushes down over her as Shaw tries to stop her body from shaking. She hadn't been lying when she said she was cold, but it wasn't the only reason tremors were running through her. The anger she had felt in her dream was so intense and now, calming down is proving to send her body into a sort of shock.

When Shaw returns from the shower, Root has pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"Feeling better sweetie?" she asks.

"Yeah, sure," Shaw answers before she gets back into bed, propping herself up with the pillows and letting the covers lay loosely near her waist.

Her hair is still damp and lays free around her shoulders. Root can't help but to stare at the beauty of the woman in front of her. Even now, with her eyes shadowed and skin paled from exhaustion and poor health, she would easily be the first place Root's eyes went in a crowded room.

Shaw is struggling with herself. Root is there with her…her safe place…the woman she essentially sacrificed herself for and would do so again in a second…the one person who somehow can make her feel something new…and yet she's keeping her at arm's length. Yes, it's out of concern for Root's safety. But, she can't deny that this building is probably as secure as Root says. And simulation or not, they should be able to enjoy their time together. They deserve that much.

"That chair doesn't look very comfortable Root," Shaw offers. "This bed is big enough for the both of us, if you want."

Root eyes widen and her lips fall slightly parted in a subtle lax jaw expression of surprise before she recovers herself with a smile.

"I thought you'd never ask," Root responds with an attempt at a wink.

Shaw rolls her eyes; she should have known her invitation would bring back Root's blatant flirting. She doesn't regret it though, Root's body beside hers feels natural. Although, now that they're in the same bed, neither of them seem to really know how to proceed. It's like they're two hopeless teenagers sitting next to their crush for the first time. Shaw accidently helps things move forward when she shivers slightly, her damp hair chilling her body despite the covers and Root's warmth.

"Still cold?"

"Yeah, a little," Shaw say, shifting a little closer to Root who wraps her arm around Shaw.

Shaw's head is perfectly positioned to rest on Root's chest and she smiles as she listens to Root's heartbeat. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Root began to talk.

"I never stopped looking for you, you know," Root says, almost whispering. "John and I, we thought we found you at one point…in this town controlled by Samaritan. I lost it when I realized it wasn't you. Finch said we should stop looking…so did the Machine. But, I couldn't…I walked away from them in order to try and find you. I was terrified I never would, but I never stopped looking."

Shaw can feel the shakiness in Root's breath, she sits up and turns to see Root's eyes tearing up.

"I know you didn't give up, and honestly the message you sent helped me to keep trying to find a way out…to find a way back to you," Shaw says, reaching out to touch Root's face.

Root smiles and leans forward, slowly bringing her lips to be nearly touching Shaw's. She waits there for a second, waiting to see if Shaw is going to pull back. Instead, Shaw closes the gap and presses her lips firmly against Root's. The connection is like electric through their bodies and Roots hands travel up into Shaw's hair while Shaw's arms wrap around Root's mid-section bringing them closer together.

It isn't like how Shaw had imagined…or like how it was in her simulation. It's a lot clumsier; Root's shaking hands fumbling to unhook Shaw's braw, Shaw misjudging her own strength and accidentally bumping Root's head on the wall as she shoves her back to get at the buttons on Root's black jeans. But, once things get going, everything seems to smooth out. In the end, they're both naked wrapped in the blankets on the bed. Shaw's arm is draped lazily across Root's stomach and Root is tracing Shaw's scars on her back with a gentle finger.

"We should probably get ready to meet the boys soon, want to grab a bite to eat first?"

Now it was Shaw's turn to say, "I thought you'd never ask."

The pair get dressed and go to Parks Deli. Root orders Shaw her favorite (pastrami with extra mustard (spicy and yellow), tons of pepperoncini's, and no mayonnaise) and orders herself a simple turkey club.

"Ya know, the last time I had this sandwich, it was part of a simulation. Greer's twisted attempt to convince me that Samaritan is the good guy," Shaw says between bites. "Simulation food could never live up to the real thing." With a wink she adds, "And the company is much better too."

Root smiles and blushes. She isn't used to Shaw offering conformation of her affections besides the multiple circumstances Shaw had come to Root's aid out of unspoken concern for her well-being. That and the rare smile Root could manage to bring to Shaw's face. Root has always been well aware that Shaw's feelings will never be expressed like most people's are. After all, she's technically a sociopath. But, Shaw is unique. No label, not even the label of sociopath, accurately describes her. And being cared for by someone like Shaw, that's something incredibly special.

"Well, I'm glad you're able to have the real thing now," Root says, not even knowing that there's more to that statement than the food.

After they both finish their sandwiches Root says, "We should get going, the guys are waiting for us."

Suddenly, Shaw isn't ready to see them…isn't ready to expose them to that kind of danger. Even with Root by her side, it feels risky.

"Can't we wait just a little bit longer?" Shaw tries to say it like she's flirting, like she doesn't want to share Root's company. But, Root can read her better than that and can see the concern in her eyes.

"Hey, what are you worried about?" Root asks. "We've all missed you, they're eager to see that you're ok!"

"I just, I don't know if it's safe."

"We aren't going to the Machine and I'll be there with you the whole time sweetie. It's gonna be alright."

"It's not just the Machine I'm worried about Root. It's all of you. Do you know how many times I shot John in the simulations? I lost count…but I know that I killed him. Over and over again. When I say that the only person I was never able to kill was you, I mean it. Only you."

"You aren't going to hurt them Sameen. I know you won't and if you try, I won't let you."

"But what if I expose them and their identities somehow? You get a new one every day. They've only got one shot…"

"If that happens, then we'll take care of it. But, for now, we've gotta go," Root says, taking Shaw's arm in her hand and pulling her to a standing position. She lets her hand slip down to grasp Shaw's as they walk to meet up with the rest of their team.

When they arrive, Shaw lets go of Roots hand and stops in her tracks. Root walks a few more steps before looking back.

"You coming sweetie?"

"Yeah, just give me a second. I'll be right there, go ahead."

Root walks forward and greets everyone and Shaw takes a deep breath, preparing herself. They all turn to look at her as she walks forward from the tree line making her feel even more uneasy. But, by the time she reaches them, she feels home.


	2. Day 1

Authors Note: Thank you to all who are reading this! I really appreciate your time. Please comment with what you think and what else you'd like to see happen! I'll try to accommodate if I can work it into my ideas. I plan to write up to the point that Finch's cover is blown and then jump ahead to the series finale post Root's "death" as long as there's enough interest and I have enough motivation to keep writing. Thanks again! Enjoy.

After catching up a bit, and realizing that for the time being there aren't any new numbers, the team decides to part ways. But, before Root and Shaw have a chance to leave, John pulls Root to the side.

"Hey, is she doing ok?" he says, his voice gruff as always.

"She's doing better than you'd expect really. She was held captive by Samaritan for months, some trouble with reality is minor. She's worried she's going to expose us…or worse."

"Do you think that's a possibility?"

"I think that as long as we're careful, which we usually are, we'll be perfectly fine John."

"Alright, just…take care of her. Ok?"

"What do you expect me to do, torture her?"

'Well, isn't that how you met?" He's smiling now, happy to have the team back together.

"Good point. But don't worry, she's safe with me."

Root walks away, placing one hand on Shaw's back as they leave the park.

"See, that wasn't so bad."

"I still think I should keep my distance for now. To be sure no Samaritan operatives are gonna start crawling out of the woodwork."

"I think everyone will understand that. But, I'm staying with you."

"Root…"

Root stops walking and turns to face Shaw, holding her shoulders and looking her in the eye she says, "Don't even start with me Sameen. I told you before, we're safe together. I'm not leaving you…I can't lose you again."

Shaw can see the tears welling up in Root's eyes, there's no way she can do this to her. There's no way she can leave Root, shut her out completely.

"Damn it Root, alright. But, can you do me a favor and sneak Bear into the apartment?"

Root is almost surprised there wasn't more of a fight than that. But, she smiles and winks (with both eyes) saying, "Anything for you sweetie."

Back in the safe house, Shaw waits for Root to arrive with the dog. She goes through everything that has happened since Root found her, retracing her steps in detail. There's no gap in the time line, no moments where she gets somewhere and she doesn't know how or why. Not like when all of a sudden she was in Root's bathroom with explosives. If this is a simulation, it's the most realistic one yet. And so far, everything has been positive. John even trusts Root's judgement on their safety. Even still, Shaw's hand instinctively goes to the spot behind her ear. There's no way to really know and that makes her uneasy.

The door opening makes her swing around and draw her gun. Root drops Bear's leash and puts her hands up.

"It's just me Shaw," she says. "You ok?"

Shaw lowers her gun. "Yeah…just can't be too careful."

Bear walks up to Shaw happily and hops up onto the bed next to her. He lays down with his head in her lap and she scratches behind his ears.

"He's so happy to see you," Root says.

"Not as happy as I am to see him," Shaw responds with a smile.

"We're all just so happy you're alive."

This is the most blatant Root has been about the fact that, for the most part, Shaw was presumed dead. It catches Shaw off guard. So much has happened since that day…they day she sacrificed herself to save Root's and the rest of the team's lives. She forgets that Root watched her get shot, watched her body fall, and didn't know where exactly she was or if she even survived.

"If you need to talk about it...ya know, what happened or uhh…how things were for you. I'm here or whatever," Shaw says, stumbling over her words. She's not good with this sort of thing and she knows Root isn't usually one to talk about her deeper feelings very much. Not unless it's something really important, which this technically was. So, if Root needs to talk, she'll listen.

Root can tell Shaw's uncomfortable, but trying. She finds it adorable if not a little unnecessary. Root knows how Shaw works, and she accepts that. Enjoys it even. But, she still appreciates the effort.

"I was just scared and sad. And angry at Samaritan, for taking you away from me. I would have done anything to get you back, I practically did do everything. No one else is like you Shaw, you're something special. I couldn't give up on you, but I was terrified that you had given your life to save mine…I thought I had lost one of the very few people I have ever truly loved, forever."

While she was talking, Root had walked over to sit on the bed next to Shaw and Bear. Shaw is looking down at Bear and absentmindedly scratching behind his ears.

"I would give my life for yours in a second," Shaw says, still looking down.

"I can't lose you Sameen," is all Root says in response.

But, Shaw can hear the fear in her voice. She looks up, making eye contact with Root. Shaw doesn't know what to do, so she kisses her. Not like the previous night and not like the day she was taken, there isn't months (or even years) of sexual tension to be poured into it and she doesn't want to catch Root off guard. She just wants her to feel like maybe, everything will be alright in the end. It's gentle, sweet even.

When the kiss breaks, Root smiles. There's a moment of semi-awkward silence, neither of them really seem to know how to proceed from here, they aren't used to this sort of dynamic between them. They just sit there, looking into each other's eyes. Root is the one to break the silence.

"You look tired sweetie; we should try to sleep some more."

The exhaustion hits Shaw as Root is speaking. Somehow, Bear and Root's presence along with the kiss have managed to get her to relax some. To feel like maybe they are really safe, at least for now. The calm allowed the sleep deprivation to sink in, and she nods.

The two curl up in bed under the covers with Bear laying at their feet. Root plays with Shaw's hair as their drifting off. Although she'll never admit it, Shaw loves it.

When the dream starts, it's sudden. Shaw is standing in the park she's visited many times in various simulations. It's the park she usually kills herself in in order to save Root. She's holding a gun and it's trained at someone approaching from a distance. As the figure gets closer, Shaw realizes it's Root. Her hands start to shake; she tries to put the gun down. But, her arms are locked in position. Root's hands are up, she looks scared.

"Shaw, don't do this. You don't have to do this, sweetie."

"Root! Stay…stay back. I can't…I can't lower my gun."

Shaw has to force the words out, it's as if someone is trying to control her every movement. She feels her finger twitch on the trigger, but resists enough to not pull it. Then Greer is beside her.

"My dear Sameen, you think you're safe? You think you're in control? You and your little friends will never be safe again. I'm the one calling the shots."

"I will never let you hurt them, let you hurt her."

"Of course I won't hurt them. I won't have to. It's you, you who will hurt them. Now, shoot."

Shaw's finger moves quickly, the conversation had her distracted from controlling her actions. The bullet hits Root between the eyes.

"No," Shaw says almost to herself.

Finally able to move, she drops her gun and runs forward to Root who's body lays crumpled on the ground. Shaw cradles Root's head in her lap, a tear rolls down her cheek.

Shaw is talking to herself, muttering, "No…no. This can't be real. I would never, I'd be able to resist. I always have…"

Then the anger hits, it boils up fiercely and she strides back to where she dropped the gun. She picks it up and aims at Greer, hand shaking. She takes a deep breath and pulls the trigger. As soon as the bullet leaves the barrel, Shaw is pulled awake.

Root is leaning over her, worry etched on her face. Shaw pushes her back slowly, and moves to a sitting position with her knees pulled against her chest. Her face is pale and dark circles are below her eyes, she looks like she's going to be sick. Root tries to reach out to her. But, Shaw catches her hand and directs it away from her.

"Sameen, what happened?"

"You're not safe…"

"We've been over this sweetie; we are safe together." Root tries to smile.

"Not anymore..."

"What do you mean?" Root's scared now, Shaw is being very intense. Even more than usual.

"I killed you…I didn't want to. I tried to stop. I tried to warn you. But, it didn't work and then I killed you. They made me, Samaritan made me."

"Shaw you were having another nightmare. I'm right here, I'm ok. They can't get to you; they can't make you hurt me."

"You don't know that. You could be dead. I could be in another simulation. Or maybe that was another simulation and they've finally broke me…they've finally gotten me to do the one thing I could never never do."

Shaw looks like she's retreating into her own mind, reliving other simulations and other times she was forced to do things she didn't want to.

"Sameen, hey, come back to me. It was just a dream, retrace your steps in it. How did you get there? Did you pull your gun or was it already drawn? If you can't answer those questions, it can't have been real."

Shaw's eyes flicker to Root's for a second. She looks confused.

"I…I don't know how I got there. The gun was out right from the start…but that doesn't prove anything."

"It makes it more likely that what you're experiencing right now is real. I know you can't be sure, but probability is in our favor."

That seems to calm Shaw down a bit. She visibly relaxes, but maintains her distance from Root. Root sighs and gets out of bed, walking over to the liquor cabinet and pouring them both a drink. When she sits back down on the bed and hands Shaw a glass, Shaw lets her sit close with their legs touching. The connection actually feels grounding, but Shaw's still wary. The alcohol is helping some and Shaw takes a minute to really look at Root, this woman who is willing to risk everything for her. She looks tired, warn out really. Her hair is all disheveled and there are dark circles lining her eyes.

"You should get some more sleep Root."

"So should you."

"I…I can't. If these are nightmares, I can't go through it again."

"Then I'm staying up with you."

"Root, don't be stupid. You need rest."

"And you need someone to keep you company. I'll be fine."

"Fine, but if you start feeling really tired I want you to go to sleep."

"Not a chance."

Shaw rolls her eyes and gets up to grab another glass of whiskey. "This is gonna be a long night."


	3. Night 1

Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! Please keep letting me know what you think, constructive criticism is welcome too haha. This chapter is pretty emotionally intense I think. There's some verbal emotional abuse that I'd like to warn you about. It isn't a long section, but it's still there.

It was dark out now, their day had been taken up by talking with the team and nightmares. But, there wouldn't be sleep any time soon.

A few drinks in and Shaw starts to talk. Usually she holds her liquor better, but the sleep deprivation and the stress (as well as Shaw somehow feeling very comfortable with Root) makes her a bit more open.

"You know, when I first met you I didn't like you. But, not for the reasons you would think. Yeah, you tied me up and threatened me with an iron. Technically in different circumstances I'd just call that kinky, then it was supposed to be torture. And I respected you for the badass you are right from the start there. I didn't like you, because I didn't know how to take you. I was drawn to you even though every fiber of me was telling me I should kill you. That made me uncomfortable."

"I always wondered why you didn't just kill me whenever you had the chance. You certainly had plenty of chances before you decided that I was your ally."

"I don't think I could have, even then. Nothing like that had ever happened before, I didn't know how to react."

"Is that why you kept me at arm's length even after you realized we were on the same side?"

"I keep everyone at arm's length, don't take it personally."

"Why do you do that?"

"I'm not worth anyone getting close to."

After this, there is a pause. Shaw doesn't ever remember admitting that she thinks that, she looks surprised at herself and then embarrassed. Root is watching Shaw as her face changes. She seems to pull back again looking down and fiddling with her glass.

"That's not true, Shaw," Root says softly, grabbing Shaw's free hand and forcing her to make eye contact.

Shaw's expression is blank.

"Even if it isn't true, now getting close to me could just result in getting killed."

"That's not stopping me."

This was the wrong thing to say and Root realizes it as the words are coming out of her mouth. Shaw releases Root's hand and gets up from the bed, walking over to the window. Root's heart drops, this back and forth with Shaw being expressive and then closed off is taking its toll. Root understands of course, and she doesn't expect anything different from Shaw. She just wishes she could help her, could show her that they really will be ok.

Root walks over to Shaw and motions to wrap her arms around Shaw's waist. But, Shaw stops her. Shaw's face is furious.

"No, Root. You don't understand. You have to stop this. You have to let me push you away. We aren't safe. _You_ aren't safe. You shouldn't risk your life for me, my life is not worth yours."

"Sameen, your life is worth mine and many more. I haven't met anyone more amazing than you, but you're too stubborn or too blinded to see it. Right now, you need people on your side. I'm not leaving you, I'm not letting you push me away."

Shaw thinks for a minute. Root wonders if maybe she somehow won. It seems unlikely, but you never know. Shaw's eyes grow dark and Root knows this conversation isn't over. She didn't expect it to go the way it does though.

"I don't want you by my side, I've never wanted you by my side. You're crazy, how could you be any help to me? You only do whatever the machine tells you to. The moment _it_ decides I'm a threat will be the moment you turn on me. The moment you realize I'm worth nothing. Why would I want someone like that around me?" Shaw could stop there; she sees she's getting to Root. Root's jaw is clenched and her hands are in fists at her side, she's visibly shaking. But still, Shaw continues. "Not to mention, a machine had more value for human life than you did. You had to be taught by a hunk of metal and some code that humans are more than just a mistake, more than just bade code. You know what that seems like? It seems like you're the one that's bad code."

The second she finishes what she's saying, Shaw realizes she's gone too far. Tears are running down Root's face which has gone pale. She looks like she's going to pass out. Root feels like she's being physically crushed, she never thought she'd hear such terrible words from Shaw's mouth. She knows Shaw doesn't mean it, but it hurts all the same. Shaw doesn't know how to respond, she's not good at comforting. Especially when she's the one who inflicted the pain. So, she does the only thing she can think to do. She walks up to Root and wraps her arms around her in a hug.

"I'm so sorry Root. I didn't mean it. I just, I'd rather have you hate me than have you end up dead because of me."

Root can't even form words enough to respond, she just hugs Shaw back and stands there crying. Shaw breaks the hug and gently wipes the tears away from Root's face, she's mimicking what she thinks would be a sweet gesture and hoping it's enough to help Root calm down. But, Root is still shaking.

"Hey, come here," Shaw says and guides Root to the bed. She kisses her gently before walking into the kitchen and pouring a glass of water.

Root sips the water with trembling hands. Now she's the one sitting far away from Shaw with her knees pulled to her chest. Shaw is sitting on the end of the bed watching Root. She's so upset with herself for doing that to Root, all Root has been trying to do is be there for Shaw…to help her work through everything that happened to her. But, she feels like she's been losing her mind, she doesn't know what's safe or what's best for anyone anymore. She has no direction.

Root finishes her glass and says, "I think I need to go for a walk."

"O…ok. Do you want me to…"

"Stay here, I just need some air. I'll be back soon."

Shaw nods. She'd want to get away from herself now too.

"And Shaw? Please be here when I get back."

"I'm not going anywhere Root, I'll be here. And I'm really, really sorry."

Root doesn't respond to that, she just leaves. She's actually going for more than just a walk, she's going to talk to John. As much as she claims she's not a fan of 'the big lug', he does care for her and for Shaw. And he's the person she trusts most to tell about this. Finch would hyper analyze everything and Fusco would have little input. The pair meet in a dark zone at the corner of an abandoned parking lot.

"Root, are you ok?" is the first thing John says.

"To be honest John, not really."

"What happened?"

Root proceeds to explain Shaw's outburst, she makes sure John is aware that it was an attempt to push Root away in order to keep her safe. But, as she's telling it, she starts to break down again. John pulls her into an uncharacteristic hug.

"Root, she cares about you. I have no doubt she feels terrible for making you feel the way she did. And that really says something because she shouldn't even be able to feel real care for anyone let alone feel guilty."

"I know, I know. But, we just got her back and there's these moments that are amazing. She opens up to me about things and will let me be close to her. When she pulls back, it's even harder than it used to be."

"You said yourself, she was handling everything better than expected. Maybe she's having a harder time with it all than we realize. That doesn't make it ok for her to put you down like that, and you should talk to her about it. She needs to know that you aren't leaving, but that you won't stand for her making you feel that way."

"You're right. I'm just afraid I'll say the wrong thing and she'll pull back or get upset again."

"Be patient with her, but make sure you're safe. You know where to find me if you need me."

"Thanks, John," Root says, half smiling now.

While Root is talking to John, Shaw is back at the apartment replaying what happened over and over again. She may not have physically harmed Root, but she still crushed her. If she was capable of that, wouldn't she be capable of killing her? Especially if someone else was in control? Flashbacks to her dream (or whatever it was) come flooding back. Every time she closes her eyes to clear her head, she watches herself killing Root. Shaw's mind is racing and she can feel her perception of reality slipping. How can she protect Root if Root won't let her? The same way she always has in simulations, she has to kill herself. That's the only way to make it reset, the only way to take back what she said to Root, the only way to start over.

Shaw fumbles around for the gun that she stored in the bedside table. She checks the clip, unlocks the safety, and cocks the gun, pointing it at her temple. It's at this moment that Root walks back into the room.

"Shaw? Shaw, what are you doing?" Root's voice is shaking; this night has been emotional enough already. Now this?

"I have to keep you safe Root, I can't do that alive."

"Shaw, you know how this ends. If you die, I die. I know you don't want that."

Root approaches Shaw slowly, she can tell Shaw's less sure of herself this time she has the barrel pointed at her head. When she reaches her, she gently takes the gun out of Shaw's hand removing the clip and turning the safety back on. She then sits down next to Shaw on the bed. Shaw won't look at Root, she just stairs straight ahead.

"Sameen, we need to talk," Root starts. Shaw just blinks. Root sighs and continues. "You are going through a lot right now; I can't even begin to imagine how difficult all of this is for you to handle. But, I need you to not push me away quite so hard and I need you to stop trying to save me. You're the one who does the protecting, I know. You've come to my rescue so many times, let me be here to help you through this. Let me be the one to protect you for once. From the people who messed with your head and from yourself. You have to realize, that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you and I'm not losing you again. It doesn't matter what you do to try and make me walk away. That being said, I'd appreciate being treated with kinder words than you chose before. Everything you said was very hurtful, it made me feel betrayed and unwanted more so than I've ever felt before. Just, don't push me away."

"Root, I…I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry. And that I really mean it. I'm not saying it just because I think it's what you need to hear or because that's what expected. I truly am sorry that I hurt you like that, I just…I want to keep you safe."

"Pushing me away isn't good for either of us Shaw. We're stronger together, we're good at facing the world together. Trust in that and we'll keep each other safe."

"Ok. I can't make any promises here Root. But, I'll try."

"For now, trying is enough. And Shaw, you can talk to be about whatever it is you're thinking or feeling. You don't have to face any of this alone."

Shaw gives a small smile. Her mind is still spinning with everything that's happened, she feels insane really. She can't even follow a single thought very far. She knows she will talk to Root about everything, but at the moment, she can't.

"Thanks Root, but honestly right now, I can't even think straight. Can we…can we just try and do something that normal people do?" Shaw asks.

"Sweetie, there's no such thing as normal people and you can never think straight."

Shaw rolls her eyes, "You know what I mean. Can we do something that we would do if you and I didn't have the jobs we do? If I hadn't been kidnapped, if our world wasn't a complete mess? Can we pretend, just for a little while, that we're just like everyone else. I think we need a break from all of this."

Root is a bit surprised, Shaw doesn't seem like one to hold onto normalcy. It usually makes her bored. But, if that's what she needs, that's what they'll do.

"Of course, do you have anything in mind?"

"Can we watch shitty movies and eat pizza and, and maybe cuddle…?"

Shaw let her voice sort of trail off for that last part. She's not the type to initiate physical contact, but curling up with Root sounds like the most amazing thing to do right now. The sun has come up already and they're both so exhausted, not to mention emotionally drained. Shaw needs Root's presence to be a comfort again.

Root smiles, "Let's go order a pizza."


	4. Day and Night 2

Authors Note: I'm sorry for the delay in updates. My semester started and so I've been a bit busy with school. Updates will be less frequent. But, I plan to keep going with this story. Please let me know what you think of this chapter! I love getting feedback. I do have a question for my readers though. Would you like me to do a chapter for each day in the week between Shaw being reunited with Team Machine and Finch blowing his cover? Or would you like me to combined days into slightly longer chapters but with a little less detail on the day to day activities?

They rent a large number of movies, something like fifteen. Root seems to go for the sweet romantic or heartfelt comedies while Shaw focuses more on horror and action. So, they get some of both. Shaw insists they have to wait until it starts getting dark again to watch the horror movies. Root would prefer to watch in the day time; even though she fights evil for a living, the made up evil of scary movies still gets to her. But, she agrees to watch when it gets dark. After all, she will have Shaw to protect her. They also end up with two large pizzas, a two liter of root beer, and vanilla ice cream (the root beer and ice cream are for root beer floats). The two of them look so goofy carrying all of this while trying to avoid cameras on their way back to the apartment.

When they get back, they move the television so that they can sit in bed and watch their movies. Root picks the first movie while Shaw makes them both root beer floats because they agree that having dessert before their actual meal sounds way more fun. While she's mixing the soda and ice cream, Shaw looks over at Root who is sitting cross legged in bed looking down at the movies. Her hair is falling in front of her face on the one side, but is tucked behind her ear on the other. The sun is coming through the window at just the right height to make it look like Root is glowing. Shaw smiles, in this moment she feels entirely content. She's nearly forgotten about all that they're facing and would do anything to freeze time and stay here with Root forever.

Root catches her watching and asks, "What are you looking at?"

"Just you, beautiful."

Shaw can be smooth when she wants to be, she can be sweet. She just doesn't tend to try to be smooth when she is trying not to get close to someone. Despite her best (and worst) efforts, Shaw can feel that her and Root are hopelessly intertwined. There's no changing that. And she hurt Root so badly, she has to make it up to her. So, at least for now, she can make sure that Root knows she's appreciated. It catches Root of guard though, and Shaw secretly loves the startled look Root gets when Shaw expresses her interest in her.

Root recovers though and says, "Why don't you stop looking and get over here. I've picked Iron Man for us to watch first."

"Ohh, good choice. Nerdy, but has lots of action, a bit of comedy, and even some romance. Sounds a bit like you Root."

Shaw walks over and hands Root a float before taking the movie and popping it into the DVD player. She sits down and wraps an arm around Root's shoulders pulling her closer until Root's head is resting comfortably on Shaw's chest.

"You're being awfully cutesy," Root says.

"Let's not make a big deal out of it," Shaw says and kisses Root on the cheek.

Root looks happy but confused, she wriggles to turn around and look Shaw in the eyes. She reaches a hand up and touches Shaw's forehead as if she was checking for a fever.

"Are you feeling ok Shaw?"

"I just want you to know that I care about you Root. That I like you and I care about you and I appreciate everything you do for me."

"Sweetie, you don't have to act any differently to let me know you care. I know you care; you show me in your own ways."

"I know, but you deserve better than what I give you. Besides, even if this isn't how I act all the time, it's nice to put in a little extra effort sometimes."

"I'm not complaining; just don't think you have to change who you are in order to make me happy. I love you for who you are."

Shaw considered telling Root that she loves her too, but it's hard for her to take that step. Instead she just smiles and kisses Root full on the lips.

"Thank you Root. Now shut up at watch the movie."

The day continues with that sort of light hearted flirtatious vibe. They watch movie after movie, finish both pizzas, and have at least three root beer floats each. They cuddle in almost every position possible, make out during their least favorite parts of movies, and talk about their favorites. Sometimes they throw in comments about when they first saw a movie, or what a movie made them think of.

During _the Breakfast Club_ Shaw says, "I watched this when I was in high school. It was the weekend of homecoming and I let some guy take me to the dance because I thought that's what a normal kid would do. I ended up making out with his older sister behind the bleachers. He was so pissed, but his sister invited me to a party she was having the next day. We got really drunk and we watched this."

Root commends during _Peter Pan_ saying, "Hanna and I used to watch this all the time. It was her favorite. I used to tell her it was for babies, but I'd watch it with her anyway. I haven't watched it in years, it always seemed to hurt too much."

That makes Shaw pull Root a little closer to her. For Root to offer up any information about Hanna is rare. Shaw is surprised Root had even suggested the movie, but she doesn't push for more information. It'd just make them both uncomfortable.

 _The Never Ending Story_ is an interesting one, Root has never seen it. But Shaw used to watch it with her dad before he died and hasn't seen it since. So, she insists on introducing Root to it. They both realize just how weird of a movie it is, but they enjoy it nonetheless.

They take a break not long before sunset because they somehow have already ran out of food. This time they go for Chinese food. As they're walking to get it, Root notices that the sunset looks brilliant. She grabs Shaw's hand and drags her through the city until they reach Central Park. Here they can see the sunset on the sky line more clearly.

"You're such a sap Root," Shaw says while rolling her eyes.

Root just smiles and asks, "Isn't it gorgeous?"

Shaw doesn't answer, she just smiles and watches Root watch the sunset. Eventually, she grabs Root's hand and pulls her back in the direction of their favorite Chinese restaurant.

"Come on Root, I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry Sam," Root responds with a laugh.

Once they're back at the apartment, Shaw lets Root pick the next movie again. Root insists that it not be a scary one yet, because it isn't quite dark enough. But, in actuality she's just trying to postpone watching horror movies. Instead she picks _Inception_ because Shaw had mentioned that she really enjoyed it the last time she had watched it. Part way through, Root realizes it was a mistake. There's a scene where a woman is having a difficult time recognizing reality because of spending too much time in an essentially simulated world. Root can feel Shaw tense as she realizes what's going on and what the woman is about to do, it's the same thing Shaw has attempted to do several times since being reunited with Root, the same thing she did do in countless simulations.

"Hey, we don't have to keep watching sweetie," Root says.

Shaw clenches and unclenches her jaw before saying, "No, it's alright. We can keep watching."

Root just watches Shaw whose entire body is now tense, Shaw can tell that she's worried.

"I'll be ok Root, just watch the movie. I'll be ok."

But, as the movie continues, Shaw is not ok. As the main character starts having a harder time recognizing reality, Shaw can feel herself slipping. She had been simply sitting next to Root at this point, no cuddling because she was too tense. The lack of contact is making it harder for her to stay calm though. So, Shaw reaches over and grips Root's hand. Root squeezes back and looks over at Shaw. She can see Shaw spiraling. She grabs the remote and turns the television off.

"Shaw, sweetie, what are you thinking?"

Root's voice is gentle, it makes Shaw want to lean into her and let Root just hold her until she can breathe again. Instead, she tries talking.

"You see how those characters were being driven crazy? How they couldn't tell what was real and they couldn't handle it at all? They were lost, searching for something solid to hold onto…evidence that their world was true. That's how I feel almost all the time, like I'm in this sort of made up world and I've lost control of all that I am. After all, our existence lies in our perception of reality. If we lose reality, we lose ourselves."

"I think that our perception of ourselves is more important than our perception of reality. You know that you're here, you know that you're experiencing this. So, right now, this is your reality."

"That's not much help Root, there's more to it than that. It's hard to explain."

"You could try to explain, if you want."

"Alright…well, as much as it's true that I'm experiencing the here and now. I don't know if I'm really experiencing it as me. I told you before that I killed a lot of people, some of them were with my own free will because I was made to believe that I was in a simulation. But, some of them were because Samaritan was in my head. It was somehow controlling my actions. I don't know how many of them were real and how many were simulations though. It's possible that Samaritan only has power over me when it's creating my world. But, there's no way for me to be certain of that and there's no way for me to truly separate reality from simulation. I'm stuck always questioning everything. Am I in a simulation? Will I suddenly snap and be doing the bidding of Samaritan? Will I ever know if I'm safe? If I dwell on any of those thoughts too long, I feel my mind begin to unravel. I get as close to anxious as I'm capable of feeling and then I get angry because I can't figure out how to just be calm…how to just keep going. And then there's the fact that I always worry about you and the rest of the team. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to any of you, but I can't promise your safety and I can't just walk away."

"Sameen, what Samaritan did to you was terrible. And it's going to take a long time for you to start really feeling better. But, I promise you, we will do everything we can to take that monster of a God down. And when we do, you will know that you…that we all are safe from its all seeing eye. You will know that this is real and that you are in control. Until then, we can try and find a way to help you stay grounded."

"But, what if I lose you in the process? I can't lose you Root, that would destroy me."

Shaw's vulnerability here is more than Root is used to. She feels like she should probably expect the unexpected at this point though, because of Shaw ranging from open to distant so frequently. Regardless, she wants to take away all the painful things that have shaken her beautiful strong Shaw like this.

"I'll always be with you Shaw, nothing can stop me from being by your side."

Shaw wants to tell Root that that's not what she meant, that she meant that she couldn't live with herself if Root died. Instead, she just smiles and gives Root's hand another squeeze as a thank you. And then she realizes something that she'd been too stubborn to notice before, Root keeps her grounded. Root was her safe place when she was being held captive, she thought the simulations had taken that away from her. But, these past couple of days have proven that Root can help Shaw calm down as long as Shaw lets her. If Shaw can stop pushing her away, then Root can keep her at least partially stable.

"Root, I know that things have been very up and down since I came back. I feel like things between us have been just as crazy as I've been feeling…"

"You've been through a lot, we both have. Neither of us can expect things to just be easy," Root interrupts.

"Yeah, I know. But, what I'm trying to say is that the one thing that seems to be constant…despite the fact that it may not always seem that way…is that you help me come back whenever I feel myself getting lost. Even though I'm worried about your safety when you're around me, you are my safety. You help tether me to what I'm hoping is real."

"Shaw…" Root says with a smile.

"Let me finish Root," Shaw says with a breath. She isn't used to being so open with these things yet. "I don't want you to feel burdened or anything like that. And I don't want you to do anything big or different than you have been or anything. But, if you can just be there when I'm falling apart and talk to me like you have been and everything. I think I'll be much better off than I would be without you around."

Root laughs, "Sweetie, of course I'll be there for you. I've been trying to show you that no matter what, I'm not going anywhere. You need to stop shutting me out though, you need to let me help you. Let me comfort you without pushing me away. Otherwise, you'll be making it a bit harder on the both of us."

"I know, and I'm trying. It may not always work out that well. But, I know we are better off together. I'm going to try to remind myself of that any time I feel the need to block you out."

"I can help remind you, it seems to sometimes get through to you."

Shaw nods, she looks uncomfortable with the conversation now. Like she doesn't know what direction it's going to go.

"Alright, I think…I think this will be good. It will help me more than you know Root. Thank you."

Shaw is making eye contact at this point. Trying to show Root that she really does appreciate her. Root smiles again. She can tell that Shaw's uncomfortable and that this conversation probably won't go much further.

"Anything for you sweetie. Do you want to keep talking, or do you want to do something else?" Root asks.

"We could watch a different movie if you want, but you look really tired Root. Maybe you should..."

Root doesn't let Shaw finish. "I told you; if you're awake, I'm awake."

"Root, that's crazy. You're going to make yourself sick. I mean, I know we tend to run on little sleep anyway. Staying up this long is a bit excessive though."

"Then you shouldn't be staying awake either."

"You know that if I sleep, I might have another nightmare or whatever it is."

"I'm right here though. I can stay awake while you sleep, that way if it seems like you're starting to dream I can wake you up. And I'll be ready to help you come back."

Shaw shakes her head, "I can't go to sleep and let you stay up, that isn't fair. Why don't you sleep first? I'll put on a movie or read or something while you get some rest. When you wake up, I'll go to sleep."

Root thinks for a moment, she can feel just how utterly exhausted she is deep into her bones. But, she doesn't want to leave Shaw alone. That being said, Shaw wouldn't really be alone. Root would be right next to her.

"Alright. But if you need me, you have to wake me up," Root says very seriously while making eye contact with Shaw.

The corner of Shaw's mouth curves up in a half smile.

"I will," she says as she quickly pops in another DVD and settles back down in the bed. She reaches her arm out and motions for Root to rest her head on her stomach, "Now come here and relax."

The DVD Shaw had put in was actually a TV show. There were 10 episodes to a disk, so about 7.5 hours of video. Shaw wanted Root to be able to sleep for as long as possible without Shaw moving around too much.

Root sleeps soundly, the deep kind of sleep you only get if your body is really craving it. Shaw watches her show, but she also watches Root. She studies the curve of her back and the way her dark curly hair cascades over her shoulders spilling onto Shaw's stomach. She memorizes the way Root's eye lashes swoop out and the way her lips lie slightly parted and relaxed. She listens to her breathing and tries to match it, tries to synchronize their breaths. It helps keep her calm, makes her feel connected to this amazing woman who is sleeping next to her.

Root wakes up naturally shortly before the last episode of Shaw's show finishes. Shaw smiles when she sees Root begin to stir, Root is adorable when she's still half asleep.

"Hi there, how're you feeling?" Shaw asks.

"Hmmm, great," Root murmurs, sitting up and stretching. Her eyes focus more and she smiles as she makes eye contact with Shaw. "Thanks for letting me sleep. I really did need it."

"I know you needed it, that's why I told you to."

"Now it's your turn."

Shaw's heart drops.

"Maybe I'll stay up a bit longer with you."

"No, we agreed, I'd sleep first and then you would."

"I know…it's just…I can't have another nightmare."

Root can see the panic in Shaw's eyes clear enough that she can feel it herself.

"Hey, hey. It's ok, you're going to be ok. I'll tell you a story that you can focus on while you fall asleep. Then, you should dream about the story instead of anything else. Ok?"

"Alright."

"And if it seems like you're having a nightmare, I'll wake you up. Sound good?"

"Yeah, ok…"

Shaw still seems hesitant. But, she knows that staying up too much longer would be just as disastrous as trying to sleep. Her and Root swap positions and now Shaw's head is resting on Root's stomach. Shaw can hear Root's heartbeat which makes her smile.

"You ready?" Root asks.

Shaw nods.

"Once upon a time…"


End file.
